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No one cares

I have been crying for help for a while and no one hears it. Part of me wants them to, the other part just wants to keep saying everything is fine.

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The tears won't stop.

Sometimes, life is so overwhelming that all I can seem to do is cry and feel sorry for myself. It will pass, as it always does...but I am feeling very defeated. I had a dream last night that WVU called to offer my job back to me, making the same amount of money and I was so incredibly happy. Money doesn't fix everything, but man...it sure does help! Especially when bills pile up and the engine on your car goes.

Enough sadness to shove out there into the abyss, not that anyone reads it anyway.

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Life

This week has been a crazy emotional week, for extremely personal reasons that I don't want to dive too much into...

The surprising thing is I have stayed active and I have not went crazy on the food. I am a bit surprised, but happy. Hopefully I will continue to lose slowly like I have been in the last couple weeks. Any non-gaining makes me happy though, at this point.

Today was a meeting for the diabetes support group that I had attended before (it is over now, sadly) but they wanted a focus group to go over the pros and cons, which I was happy to do. It honestly was mostly pros and last week I got the results of my blood work that were required to be in the program. I was SHOCKED and surprised at how good the results were. To me it just means, I am still doing okay and I should not quit...no matter how hard it is, it is worth it to keep going. Even when I slip up, my body is still in better shape because of all the work I have put into it before, a slip up doesn't erase that. That is exactly what I needed to understand right now. 

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Failing

Today I took a walk on the rail trail with my Dad. I hope I can get back into the swing of things, because I have been very sad lately. I know that exercise is literally the best thing to help mental health issues (depression, anxiety...etc) but wow, when I fall out of a routine, it sure is hard to get back to it. Also, when I know that everyone secretly wishes for me to fail anyway (or at least counts on the fact that I will. I always do)...it is hard not to just let it happen.

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Shattered

Sometimes, I think that the internet was the greatest invention of all times. However, on days like today when all I read about is hatred and all the horrible things that humans do to each other, I just feel broken. I cry for strangers when I read something sad or something that makes me angry (like bullying) but then I end up seeing story after story about animals dying, being given up by their owners, being abused...etc. My soul cannot take it and I have to immediately log off to save my own heart from breaking entirely.

Why can't we as people just be humane and decent?

Just my sad thoughts for the day, hopefully it gets better tomorrow and that I can focus on the good.

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Shopping!

Yesterday I spent the whole day and night with my beloved Nana-Banana. We went shopping at the outlet stores and I found this 70 dollar dress for only 9 dollars!! I am pretty excited to try on clothes now without feeling like nothing will fit me. I cannot wait to see how much more I will like shopping after I lose another 60 lbs!

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

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